On the night after our High School graduation...
I know that I probably drive you guys nuts... no I know I drive you nuts when I talk to you and always end the conversation with my phrase " it is just because I love you".... but it is true... I just want your lives to work out well, and though I know that I am not the one who can always control this and I trust your decisions you must know that I am the one who will always be there
if it doesnt work out how you imagined that you can talk to ... who will listen and not judge but gently nugg you to think about your path again... I can remember your day of conception... I remember every day you grew within me and the long over due days of gestation... In a way I still feel that we are gestating now as you grow into adulthood and I hope that my support will always help you to find a base to go on to where you find your own spot of life... and live well
Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
woops I wrote again about grief
This is my lesson in grief.
You know when you first lose some one that you love grief is like a wild bouncing ball
that you cant control... it just flies around totally out of your control here and there to a place that you cant even remember days in and out... and you try to catch it but you just cant...
eventually you catch the ball and you tuck it safely inside a pocket close to your heart and you
have some sort of control but some times the ball just randomly falls out and it just bounces around out of your control and you chase it and and try to catch it because you didnt expect for it to just fall out right then and there but it did and you cant catch it. Sometimes after this you think you have it all in control and you just dont want to be suprised with extreme emotion. Then the little ball falls out again and you just didnt know that it would but somehow you can take this ball and examine and feel the feelings and pain and hold it without having to say a word
You know when you first lose some one that you love grief is like a wild bouncing ball
that you cant control... it just flies around totally out of your control here and there to a place that you cant even remember days in and out... and you try to catch it but you just cant...
eventually you catch the ball and you tuck it safely inside a pocket close to your heart and you
have some sort of control but some times the ball just randomly falls out and it just bounces around out of your control and you chase it and and try to catch it because you didnt expect for it to just fall out right then and there but it did and you cant catch it. Sometimes after this you think you have it all in control and you just dont want to be suprised with extreme emotion. Then the little ball falls out again and you just didnt know that it would but somehow you can take this ball and examine and feel the feelings and pain and hold it without having to say a word
In the middle of kids and parents...
You know I love my mom more than anything... I remember being little and
going to the library with my mom... We checked out a book about the journey of
a snow flake and the fact of it being formed and living the cycle of life... I remember lazy summer afternoons listening to my mother read this story to me and my sister and how much I loved every moment of this book... I als0 remember reading a book about the last leaf on a tree to my son before he died and I think about him and reflect about this book, as well as Jonathan livingston seagull and Freddie the leaf. And sometimes I am terrified in the middle of the night and I just want to hold him and to never let him go from me... but sometimes life before us is revealed before it happens.. maybe in childhood books it is almost like a learning plan. It sometimes amazes me how books from our childhood can hold so much to what is before us.
going to the library with my mom... We checked out a book about the journey of
a snow flake and the fact of it being formed and living the cycle of life... I remember lazy summer afternoons listening to my mother read this story to me and my sister and how much I loved every moment of this book... I als0 remember reading a book about the last leaf on a tree to my son before he died and I think about him and reflect about this book, as well as Jonathan livingston seagull and Freddie the leaf. And sometimes I am terrified in the middle of the night and I just want to hold him and to never let him go from me... but sometimes life before us is revealed before it happens.. maybe in childhood books it is almost like a learning plan. It sometimes amazes me how books from our childhood can hold so much to what is before us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)